(Following Lillian's format)
I've been looking around for work for the past few weeks. Now that I'm done (I found a nice meaty project where I can walk to the main office, only have to cross the bridge for meetings, and will work primarily at home) I wanted to share five unbelievable things that people said to me as I sat in their guest chairs while they scribbled notes on my resume.
5. Oh, I never meet my deadlines. I'm always totally scrambling at the last minute. (Way to set an example, team lead!)
4. Our team never completes anything on time. Seems like they always move the target right at the end and we're tied up until Thanksgiving. (Your upper management rules!)
3. This is the worst building I've ever worked in. We all say that the feng shui here is totally messed up. Look at it, it's all pointy and slanty and bad. (I can hardly wait to spend 8 hours a day here!)
2. I like to do spot checks on my employee's work so I can see what they're up to. Also, I like to keep them close where I can see them. (It's nice that we're all grown-up professionals that trust each other to do their jobs, isn't it?)
And the #1 interview busting remark:
1. I can't promise I won't micromanage you. (Wow. I'm speechless!)
As an aside, I understand that you might not have a lot of time to read my resume, and also, that many resumes do not tell you what that person has done. Mine, however, is quite specific on what I've done and what I know how to do. If you point to my resume and ask "Tell me about what you did at XYZ Co.", that is an excellent indicator that you have not read my resume. In which case, why are you interviewing me?
Also, can anyone please elaborate on the thinking behind those "Tell me about a time..." and "How do you respond to..." and "Give me three words that describe..." questions. Because during my entire working life, I have never, ever, ever been asked to do any of those things.
I didn't used to hate looking for work.